Ramblings about cartoon idiocy

2011-11-04T09:48:00.000-07:00

A little bit about the day of the23^rd December 2010.

I had been doing some last minuteChristmas shopping the night before and I felt rough, as did Sophie. In fact inthe morning I remember seeing my mother passing us on a bus and then hertexting me to say how awful I looked. Thank you Mother.

The morning went by without anyincidence. I had a project at work that needed to be finished by the end of theyear, so I was frantically preparing all this stuff together so I could finishit over the festive period. At lunch time I had a Doctor’s appointment at 1that day so I had to go during my lunch break. I realised while I was on thebus that I had left my phone at work. Instead of going back, I thought nothingmajor would happen in the hour so decided not to go back for it. I’d never beenmore wrong in my whole life.

I get back from my appointment(all fine by the way) and noticed I had 17 missed calls from Sophie. Eventhough she had entered her third trimester that day, it didn’t register thatshe was calling me about the baby, more likely that she wanted to know how myappointment went. I called her back casually, and I could tell while talking toher that she was annoyed with me, and that’s when she dropped the bombshellabout her water breaking. A friend at work gave me a lift home and for thewhole journey there all I was thinking were two things.

1. Ineed to make sure Sophie is comfortable and do whatever she wants.

2. Iam going to meet my little boy very soon.

I was stuck in this bit oftraffic and I was too impatient to get home so I ran the last few minutes. Itwas very icy and almost fell over on a couple of occasions but luckily I didn’tdo anything that needed medical assistance. That would have been embarrassing.We got the bag ready (over-packed on everything) and went to the birthingcentre. When we arrived, we were told we were too early so we should go homeand wait until Sophie’s contractions were lasting 90 seconds and were everythree minutes.

Sophie went for a shower and onceshe came out, she was in a lot of pain. We were timing the contractions butthey were very erratic, sometimes they were forty seconds, other times it wasthree minutes. I called up the birthing centre to see if we could come in, andthe lady said for Sophie to take some paracetamol. We had none so I offered toget some, to help her with the pain, but Sophie said no and didn’t want me toleave. I now realise that suggesting this is a stupid thing to do, but I wantedto do something that may help her with the pain. I thought it was also sweethow our unsociable cat Clyde stayed on the bed by Sophie’s feet. Usually hewould hear a noise and leave the room in a huff, but I like to think he wantedto help somehow.

Eventually we were allowed to goback to the birth centre and get ready for the arrival of our little baby boy.While there I became useless. I know it’s all about the woman, but I reallywanted to help her as she was in a lot of pain. Sophie was very much thinkingthat all she wanted to do was crawl up in a ball and not be touched. I sat in achair, offering her help, squeeze my hand, punch me, anything but she justwanted to be left alone. I remember the midwife walking in on two separateoccasions and both times I was checking my phone to see the time, I guess she musthave thought I was some horrible person ignoring his partner while I play on myphone. That wasn’t the case.

The little bundle of joy arrivedat 1a.m on Christmas Eve. I remember Sophie holding him and being so happy,despite her being tired and what seemed like losing a lot of blood. I thoughtthis was normal but this was not the case. Sophie started saying she felt likeshe was going to drop the baby, so the nurse took him of Sophie and passed himto me. I loved this moment and it was very nerve-racking for me. At this timethings were still okay and I was holding this perfect little thing and I washappy. Then I heard somebody say “we need to get a crash team in here” and Iwas asked to leave the room, as I left I grabbed Sophie’s hand and she didn’t squeezeback. A Doctor was saying Sophie’s name, but she didn’t respond until he reallyshouted it. I know I was holding my first born but this was the worst moment ofmy life. I had a baby that I didn’t know how to look after and was thinkingthat he might never know his Mother. I know I can be a drama queen at times butI’m not exaggerating how close Sophie seemed to dying. I know the midwives wereconcerned for me as well and what was making things worse was being toldnothing. The time I was moved out of the room until I was able to see Sophieagain, all I did was tell a less than hour old premature baby about what anamazing person his Mother was.

When I got told I was able to seeSophie, she looked paler than I’d ever seen her and she’s a very pale person tostart with. I was told she would be okay but I still wasn’t certain. While shewas taken downstairs to be checked over, I was given the responsibility ofdressing our child. The midwife who stayed with me to give our child his tagsand check his weight, I had to go and find a vest, baby grow, hat and blanket.I didn’t really know the difference between the baby grow and the vest but I somehowfound them all and I dressed our child. I then got to take this beautifullittle man off to spend some time with his Mother. It was heart-breaking to meto see Sophie in such a weak state that she couldn’t give her child a cuddle. Ido remember when I fell asleep (for 15 minutes) and I woke up to see Sophie cuddlinghim, even though she had been through so much I remember how happy she was.

While he slept and she wasrecovering, we started discussing the name. We both instantly agreed that heshould be Leo. It was the perfect name for him and coincidently, his firstoutfit had a lion on it. We were both smitten with the boy and we still are. Iknow there was other things happened but I think this was the important stuff.

The experience wasn’t as easy as I’dhoped and even ten months later, I get emotional thinking about what happened.It makes me feel apprehensive about things and has made me hate the idea ofever having to go to a hospital again. Iknow some people will always say the first time you hold your child is the bestfeeling ever, but as amazing as it is, I prefer seeing his personality takeshape, I love the way he gets happy when he sees his parents, I’m amazed atevery new thing he learns and how amazing everything is because Leo is a partof it all. One of my biggest fears was becoming a parent, and although there isa lot I can do better and it is hard work, the reward outweighs it all.

Brilliant Highlights

2010-05-15T04:44:00.000-07:00

Unfortunately the season finished with my beloved reds. Sticking with my 13 series of blogs and not wanting to write about the misery that was the end of the season, I thought I’d write about my 13 favourite players since I have been following them (so no Charlton, Edwards, Best or Law). As all my top 13 blogs they are not in order of preference but I think it will be clear who is actually at the top of the list.

Ryan Giggs
Most appearances ever for Man Utd. The most decorated footballer in British Football. The Welsh Wizard that we all wished was English. Ryan Giggs was the first poster child of the Fergie era and he had the skills to prove he weren’t just a pretty face. The fact that the man is still playing (he’s coming up to his 20th season in the United first team) at the highest level and was last season’s PFA player of the year shows you the character of the man. As a child I loved seeing him run at players and he scored some incredible goals. Now he has to reserve his energy but can still beat the right back with a shot of pace and his skill is still there. Just like Fergie, it will be a sad day when he finally hangs up his boots and for his achievements, nobody will ever come close.

Cristiano Ronaldo
Some people hate him but the fact is that when he was a United player he was the best in the world. I still think on his day there is nobody better. Messi has more skill more Ronaldo has more bows to his arrow. When he first joined the club he was given the No. 7 shirt, which at Old Trafford is saying that you’re something special. Beckham had left and we had signed this 19 year old Portuguese winger to take over one of the world’s best passers. His debut against Bolton showed his promise. He came off the bench and he destroyed the defence. His first couple of seasons were hit and miss. Some days he was sublime, others he would infuriate you. Then for three years (2006 – 2009) He became the main attraction at the Theatre of Dreams. He eclipsed goal scoring records in the premiership. In one season he scored 32 goals in 38 games. For a striker that would be phenomenal, but for winger, it was a different class. That same season his goal to game ratio was practically a goal a game. Unfortunately he left but I’ll never forget the impact. He may even be the most technically gifted player to ever don the famous red shirt.

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer
When United signed Solskjaer from Norwegian side Molde in 1996, I had no idea who the player was. He was signed at the same time as Yordi Cruyff (son of dutch legend Johann) and Karel Poborsky. Cruyff and Poborsky were big to me because they had played in Euro 1996 and particularly Poborsky because he had scored a fantastic goal against Portugal in that tournament and I was excited to him play for us. Of those three players Ole was the one who got a legendary status. I loved the guy from his debut when he scored a chip against Blackburn (the equalising goal in a 2-2 draw) after coming off from the bench. He did this until his retirement from the game in 2007. I loved him so much that I named a cat after him in 1998, and this was before his winner against Munich in 1999 to win the European Cup. The guy never complained about being on the bench, and whenever he played he scored and worked very hard. At Old Trafford there is a fan banner that calls him a legend and deserves that status at the Theatre of Dreams.

Gary Neville
The guy is a massive dick. He if played for any other club I would hate him, but he isn’t and he loves the club. I know when he goes onto the pitch he will give his all on the pitch and will won’t give up. He’s also the best English right back, even though he is at the end of his career. The player can still provide a great cross.

Rio Ferdinand
The guy cost 30 million and at the time I just thought he was good. He went on to become the best defender in the world from 2006 – 2009. He was unbeatable. He makes everything effortless and it takes moments of brilliance to get past him. I love Rio and he is rightfully England Captian.

Nemanja Vidic
Part of the best centre pairing in the world. He’s an old school defender that gets stuck in and he is very commanding. When he first started his United career, he looked dreadful. I thought that he was going to go to obscurity and be remembered in the same way as William Prunier. How wrong I was because the man is a rock at the back. There are rumours that Vidic will be leaving in the summer, and if that happens he will be sorely missed.

Eric Cantona
Arrogant. Cocky. Nutcase. Loose Screw. God.
I actually love the guy. I would wear my collar up for years whenever I would wear a collared shirt (even at school) . If I ever met him I would turn into a school girl meeting Marky Mark when he still had the Funky Bunch. I would kiss the man’s feet because of his genius. He came into Old Trafford and he brought trophies. We could have been playing rubbish, Eric would do one little trick and the whole team would come to life. I own three DVDs about his career, two of them I had on video. My favourite goal of his was against Sunderland in his final season. He hadn’t played well for a couple of months and scored the most audacious chip from the edge of the box and then did his arrogant pose to say ‘what else do you expect from me?’. I remember I was playing football in my back garden when my borther told me that Cantona has retired. I remember that like people remember where they were when the man landed on the moon. It was huge to me, but the man gave me so many memories. There was a poster for a Nike advertisement saying “1966 was a great year fro English football, Eric was born.” I actually think that his birth was bigger than England winning the World Cup. I really do love Eric Cantona, in my eyes he is the greatest footballer of all time.

Paul Scholes
The unsung hero. I always loved Paul Scholes. The guy never became the star that Beckham did, but he was always a better player. Even today his vision to pick out a player is second to none. Whenever you hear players talking about he best people they played against, Paul Scholes is always top of their list, which tells you how good the man is. It will be a sad day when the little ginger genius hangs up those boots.

Wayne Rooney
The star of the moment. There’s not much to say about Wazza other than he will give you his all on the pitch. I was happy when we signed him because you knew he was going to be special. This season he has become the main man (every team has one) and he has exceeded all expectations. I can see him at United for life and I think next season he will be better than the last. I can’t wait to see him back in a UNITED shirt next season (Fuck England)

Andrei Kanchelkis
Looking back I don’t think he was that great a player, but as a child he was amazing. He was lightning quick on the right wing and he scored quite a lot of goals. I loved watching him as a child and then he joined Everton for the 95-96 season, when the previous season we had lost the league. I hated him for that and I felt betrayed. I now realise that Ferige sold him because he had the next player coming through the ranks.

David Beckham
I’m not going to say much about Beckham but he was fantastic. In 1999 he was one of the best players in the world. He’s the best crosser I’ve ever seen of a ball, he took brilliant free-kicks and he would cover every blade of grass. I was sad to see him go but he went at the right time and we replaced him with Ronaldo who went on to be a much better player. He is a United legend and I also think maybe the best looking player United have ever had.

Roy Keane
Roy Keane is a scary man. On the pitch he was like a General who got involved on the front line. Every tackle was there to be one and if he didn’t win the ball then he let the player know that he was there. In his prime he was the standard bearer for how a defensive midfielder should be, Strong, quick and a good tackler. I miss his type of player

Peter Schmeichel
The greatest goalkeeper of all time. He changed the art of the position. He would always make himself as big as possible to stop the ball. I remember a game against Newcastle in 1997 at St James Park. It weren’t a great performance but it was a must win. Newcastle had two of the best strikers in the box with Sir Les Ferdinand and Alan Shearer. They threw everything at the Great Dane but he was unbeatable. A brick wall in front of the goal couldn’t have done a better job than him on that day and we won the game 1-0. He did that many times over the years and I could watch his saves for hours and never get bored. He will always be United’s number one between the sticks.

Back in the Saddle

2010-05-15T04:18:00.000-07:00

I love music, but i thought it would be too hard to write my 13 favourite albums (it would basically be Metallica, Weezer and Alice in Chains probably) so here are my favouirte 13 albums of the last decade. I also decided to only include one album per band. Enjoy

System Of A Down – Toxicity
Would make my top 13 albums of all time. When it first came out I listened to this album all the time. I only took it out of my portable CD player to put it in my home stereo, it’s a masterpiece. Their debut album was brilliant, it was the sound of a band who came from an insane asylum. Toxicity was the sound of band that was taking that asylum sound and make it more accessible, and in that way it was better. Chop Suey is the song that took the band to the big dance, but the album doesn’t have a song that would be rated under 5 stars on a 5 star rating system. I miss this band.

Audioslave – Audioslave
Rage Against the Garden was almost a wet dream for me. I loved Soundgarden (I’ve written a blog about Chris Cornell) and my brother had really gotten me into Rage Against the Machine. I hadn’t heard a song of this aldum but I bought it straight away and was not disappointed. Cochise was pure Rage meets Garden but as songs went past they sounded more like their own band. They broke up after 3 albums and I weren’t too bothered because it has giving me back their two original bands back to the world. That’s fine with me.

Weezer – The Green Album
In the summer of 2001 I did my GCSE’s. I didn’t revise much and I didn’t do that well. There was probably two reasons why I didn’t do any revision for the biggest moment at that time:
I was told I could still go to college and do the course I wanted even if I messed up my exams.
I was too busy listening to the Green Album.
My brother got me this album and I listened to it about 5 times a day throughout the summer. Weezer are my second favourite band and this may well be my favourite albums of the band. It’s the best album under 40 minutes (that includes Slayer’s Reign in Blood) and I always visit it again in the summer. It’s my favourite thing about the summer, listening to a lot of Weezer (and my girlfriend’s birthday of course)

Metallica – Death Magnetic
My favourite band ever. I’ve written a lot of times about Metallica so I don’t need to say how great they are. Death Magnetic may be my third favourite Metallica album, and that’s a big thing to say. I got the special edition of the album, which came in a white cardboard coffin box and I think it just adds to the listening pleasure. From the classic sounding intro of This is Just your Life, to the radio friendly Cyanide and the first single The Day that Never Comes, it is a classic Metallica sounding album that spans most of the music from their career. People say that this is Kirk Hammett’s album and I think that plays down how great the rest sound on this album.

Alice In Chains – Black Gives Way To Blue
My brother likes going to concerts but he never really isn’t someone who gets animated in his excitement at going, but he was for Alice in Chains. I was excited too but you can’t forget about the big elephant in the room that the band no longer had Layne Staley on singing duties. After that concert I was amazed at how good William Duvall and had no concerns about a new album. The album is like a new era for the bad. It still has that sound but it’s seems slightly more positive (not that the band have cheered up lyric wise). I’m glad they done the album and I can’t wait for their next tour so I can hear some of these songs live.

AFI – Sing The Sorrow
I first heard AFI when I saw The Offspring live in 2000 at Wembley Arena (I hate that place) and was very impressed. I then had to wait three years for them to release new material. Their previous albums were very much punk albums in the vein of the Misfits. Sing The Sorrow was a massive direction change and it paid off big time. The fanbase deservedly grew to millions and the epic had an epic sound. People always say a band going too mainstream is a bad thing but that’s bullshit and it definitely is in the case for AFI. Love this album.

Thrice – Artist in the Ambulance
I love Thrice. They are a band that I think deserve a lot of success because they are doing something different to everybody else, yet they could only muster modest sales. That doesn’t bother me though because I think they are fantastic and Artist in the Ambulance is their finest hour to my ears. It has the mellow moments but when it was heavy, it was very heavy. Also, by buying this album, 15% of the money goes to a charity. This band doesn’t make much money, yet give a chunk of their money to charity. That’s classy.

HIM – Dark Light
I love HIM, but when this album came out I really loved them. This isn’t my favourite HIM album but when it came out I listened to it a lot and I think that merits a mention in this list. It is a really great album and it definitely got them out to a bigger market and it’s easy on the ears. Plus it has Vampire Heart, Under the Rose and Killing Loneliness, which is 3 of my favourite HIM songs.

Jack’s Mannequin – Everything in Transit
There was a band called Something Corporate, that I got into because they were compared to Weezer. They were good but they split up, and the singer, Andrew McMahon started Jack’s Mannequin and they were better. This album is all about him being dumped by his childhood sweetheart (they are now back together and happily married) It’s a really chilled out album and I love it. Not much to say really.

Blink 182 – Take Off your Pants and Jackets
I was 15 years old when this came out, I was really into Punk at the time and this album to me was really underrated at the time. The album is immature, it’s nothing groundbreaking but it’s got craft craftsmanship and it flows brilliantly. Some people are embarrassed to say they like Blink, but if Rock Show came on, they will love it! I saw them live in 2003 and I thought they were pretty rubbish.

Korn – Untouchables
This was a much hyped album in my teenage years, even I had been waiting three years for it to be released, and when it finally came out in 2002 it didn’t disappoint. To me this album is up there with the debut album. I love this album and it was well worth the wait. I saw them live later in the year and it was one of the best concerts I’ve ever been too and I loved that it concentrated on this album. I really need to listen to this album now.

Foo Fighters – In your Honour
I always liked the Foo Fighters but I never thought they had done a great album. Then when they released One by One it was very good. It had the worst songs of their career. They follow up that album with their finest moment. In your Honour to discs, one consists of the radio-friendly rock that they do better than anybody else and a second acoustic disc. Both CDs would stand up as a great album on their own, but both together make it a highlight. The Foos will make more great songs in the future but I’m convinced they’ll never top this album, and that’s not a bad thing.

Pearl Jam – Pearl Jam
Some people will tell you that Pearl Jam are currently enjoying a second wind in their career. It’s true but I would go further and say that Peal Jam’s self titled album might even be the best thing they’ve ever recorded. I love early Pearl Jam, but this album starts off with the first 5-6 songs bursting with the venom they had back in the day, and mellows out at the end to a fitting finale to a great album. It took me a long time to realise how great this band are, but I’m glad I did.

The return of the 13 series

2010-05-15T00:47:00.000-07:00

The get back on the 13 lists in 13 days, these are my favourite shows. I don’t think this needs much of an introduction. I was going to add pictures to this but that takes too long.

The Sopranos
This blog was going to be based on shows from this century, however if I did that then I would have to leave out my two favourite shows, one of which is The Sopranos. I didn’t start watching it until the third series when my brother made me watch it (it is his favourite show). After the first episode I went back and watched the rest. It is utter genius. Tony Soprano is an arsehole, he’s never going to change and like many characters in the shows listed here, you will be on his side until the end. When you want the bad guy to be ok at the end, you know it’s brilliantly written television. I couldn’t pick a favourite series because it just seemed like it was one. The thing I loved most about the show was that each little story was given time to materialise into something, sometimes it would be a couple of episodes, sometimes it was a couple of series but the payoff was always worth it. Quite possibly the greatest show of all time. It also has the greatest entrance to any show.

The Wire
Any show that has a gay black Robin Hood inspired character has to be good. The Wire is the show that every critic loves but didn’t get big viewing figures. A show that has so many characters that it can have it’s main character (McNulty) hardly be in an entire series. The show was based around the different aspects of the Baltimore Police Department. The core of the show was always with the police trying to stop the drug dealers, but it would also expand on that every time. One series would concentrate on schools, then the next would be about the newspaper, another would be an election. It had many things going on but you never felt lost. Going back to my first sentence, just like Obama, Omar was my favourite character. He started off slow, but when he was a witness in a murder trial he became the unsung hero of the show. Every time he was on the screen he stole it, and they way he died was a total shock. Plus Bubbles survived all 5 series, which to me makes it a classic.

Spaced
I remember the moment I fell in love with Spaced. It was the first episode, Tim and Daisy looking for apartments and then they both break down and then when they decide to live together, Daisy wipes dribble off her chin. This show plays to the geek inside me as it is just a parody of everything. To do that and make the show feel original is a clear sign of genius. The slow motion gun fight is one of the finest moments in sitcom history. Unlike the UK Office when they ruined it by giving it a clear ending, Spaced never did that, letting you wonder if Tim & Daisy ever got together.

The Apprentice
I like three reality shows, I’m a Celebrity, X-Factor and Britain’s Got Talent. I love The Apprentice. There is never a dull episode because Sir Alan, Nick & Margaret are always unintentionally funny. The contestants do the most bizarre things, especially when they have the worst idea in history, yet they think it is the next big thing. It probably isn’t one of my 13 favourite shows but the junior version starts tomorrow and I’m looking forward to this. A lot.

Porridge
The greatest British sitcom of all time. Ronnie Barker has perfect comedy timing and acting chops. It was so clever and the fact it was set in a prison means it should be a disaster, yet it wasn’t. My girlfriend says this show is boring but I don’t think she’s ever given it a chance. The use of language in this show was a step above everything else and the Father-Son dynamic between Barker and Richard Beckinsale was the backbone to the show. Every episode was funny but sometimes they would have moments they made you remember it is set in a prison and it can get to everyone.

The Shield
Quite possibly my favourite cop show. It wasn’t as well written or acted as The Wire but damn every episode was exciting. It follows the life of Vic Mackay and his Strike Team Police Force who are cutting corners and breaking the law to build a future for themselves. All the series follow Vic trying to keep his head above water the whole time. I was always looking forward to the ending of this show to see what outcome he would have. I thought he would be killed, but the ending that happened was probably the greatest ending of any show. Part of me always wanted to see a happy ending. Michael Chiklis was fantastic in this show.

Scrubs
Some people hate on Scrubs because it’s a sitcom that always ends with a moral to the story. Some people hate on Scrubs because it’s a sitcom that always ends with a moral to the story. I don’t care about that because the previous 20 minutes are hilarious. I like the voiceover and the day dream sequences. I also like that it’s got a bit off a throwback to classic US sitcoms while still being original. I feel the show is actually underrated as lots of people say it is generic but they are wrong.

The Office: An American Workplace
I like the original English series. They were funny and new. Then came the Christmas specials. The first was hilarious, whereas the final episode was a massive letdown. I hate that Tim & Dawn got together because I didn’t like the characters, particularly Tim. He was a knob so why would you want him to get his dream girl? I watched the American version when it was first on and I wasn’t the biggest fan of Series one, but I did love the basketball episode, which kept me interested in the second series and I’m glad I stuck with the show. The US Office is less realistic but who watches a sitcom for realism? They took the annoying parts of the UK one and just stuck to what the show does best. I also like Pam & Jim and want them to get married. I also think Dwight K. Schrute might be my hero.

Father Ted
It was ridiculous in the vein of Fawlty Towers, and with each series the ideas were insane, but it was always funny. The greatest double act in sitcom history could be Father Ted and Father Dougal. The Christmas special where they get stuck in a lingerie store with other priests is probably my favourite ever xmas episode of anything, and the episode with Richard Wilson guest starring was better than the entire run of One Foot in the Grave.

Dexter
This isn’t one of my favourite 13 shows, but I’m really looking forward to series 4 returning in a few months. It was a great premise of a show, following the life of a serial killer with a code. The first two series were fantastic, series three was only good for the interaction between Dexter and Miguel was brilliant, but there was too much fluff with the smaller storylines. However I’m very excited about the fourth series as it stars the legend that is John Lithgow (famous for Harry and the Hendersons, Cliffhanger and 3rd rock from the Sun).

Veronica Mars
I know what you’re thinking, what the fuck is this teeny bopper show doing in a list of my favourite shows? Well it’s awesome and I clearly have the taste of a 14 year old girl. I love this show and I was a fan for life from episode one. I loved it so much that I immediately went on Amazon and ordered the first series from America due to it not being available in this country. Kristen Bell is one of my favourite actresses and the fact is I usually refer to her as Veronica Mars instead of her real name. The show had a film noir feel if it was made by somebody who wanted to make the genre mainstream. When I first saw it I went into overdrive and tried to get as many people to watch it. There is no other teen show like it.

The Simpsons
My favourite show ever. I could watch The Simpsons all day, every day for a month and feel like I had a very productive month! I actually think that the episode ‘You Only Live Twice’ (Where Homer gets a new job working for Hank Scorpio, unknown to him that Hank is a bad guy) is the greatest episode of anything ever made. I love every character on the show and saying that for something like Gavin & Stacey is one thing because it has about 8 people in it, The Simpsons has 100’s of them and I love them all. He might be evil but I want to be friends with Mr Burns, if I had a child, I’d want him to have the sweetness and innocence of Ralph Wiggum. I want Ned Flanders to be my neighbour. I love this show and to the hatred of my girlfriend, she hates them boxsets but to me they are the world’s biggest cubic zircona of my collection.

I’ll admit I don’t think the series as good as it was when it first started, but I still laugh more at the show than almost anything else. The fact that the first 13 series are faultness to me shows you that I think no show can hold a candle to this.

30 Rock
Again, probably not a top 13 show for me at the moment (this top 13 list is just a fucking lie really come to think of it!) but this is the one show I want to watch the most right now. Tina Fey is the funniest person on television right now. Tracey Morgan is hilarious just playing himself. It’s got that woman who was very annoying in Ally McBeal (who wasn’t annoying in that show, but I mean the really annoying one) who is brilliant, and it has THE BALDWIN. Everybody loves THE BALDWIN and this show is perfect for him. I love this show.

Looking to the future

2010-05-07T14:20:00.000-07:00

It's a Sunday morning at the local church and Mass is halfway through. The Priest is reading his sermon, meanwhile thinking about if he could get away with sneaky touch of the new alter boy without him getting rejected. Then the doors to the Chruch open and the Priest stops talking and is in shock. The catholics look around and can't believe it.

"Hello my children, I have returned." Says Jesus.

Nobody can believe it, almost as if they didn't believe the Bible when it said one day he would return. Jesus looks around at every person and slowly makes his way to the alter. It's so quiet that you could hear a pin drop. The Priest steps to the side as Jesus steps up to the Microphone. He has a shocked look on his face and then licks his lips before speaking. Every person is anticipating his words of wisdom.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?" Jesus screams before breaking into a bad guy style monologue.

I decide that 2010 was my time to come back to Earth in the human form, looking to see how people celebrate my teachings and how you worship me, because i should be worshipped because i'm the son of fucking God, and do you have a statue of me helping people? No, you celebrate my life by having me crucified! The worst moment of my life and you choose that moment to be the symbol? Itell you i'm coming back and you guys think 'What image would JC like to see of himself when he returns, i know, when he's stuck to a cross for days in pain and agony for us.' Thanks a lot "my children"

"We love you Jesus" Says an elderly lady

"What the fuck is that around your neck?" Jesus asks

"A cross, to simbolise our love and dedication to you" She answers

"Oh great, because that's what i want to see my peeps wearing to respresent me. A cross, like the one i was nailed too for days and left to die. Do any of you have brains?" I mean have any of you read this book? I admit it's not a page turner like Harry Potter but this book was meant to teach people but no, you guys you it to judge people. I mean why do you hate homosexuals?

"The bible says it's immoral and wrong" The Priest answers

"Where? What page does it say i think homosexuals are wrong? I'll tell you where, it doesn't. I just wanted people to be happy but you decide to be massive homophobes. There is no gay bashing in the Bible, i've even kissed a couple of my disciples back in the day, it was no big deal!" Jesus continues "and why do you condemn prostitutes, i clearly love me some ladies of the night and you make them feel like they are doing something wrong when the fact of the matter is after this gig the J-dogg is gonna go and pick himself up a lady to do some freaky shit with"

"You are not the son of a God, you were sent here by the devil" shouts a man in a suit.

"JESUS FUCKIN' CHRIST! Are you kidding me? how dare you insult me. You have sinned in my house and i'm in a vengeful mood."

Jesus walks down from the alter and goes to the man and snaps his neck.

"Haven't you watched The Wire? You disrespect me in a house built for me in front of my people then you must die! Don't you know who i am? Don't you know who my Father is? He created the Earth and you speak down to his son? I can't stay on this Earth, i'm going back to Heaven, away from you people. Oh and don't worry, i may have killed that sinner, but i have a endless collection of get into Heaven free cards. One final message though, if you want to get invited to the big dance, you gotta make some changes!

Jesus then pulls out a .45 magnum, "This is how i should have been sacrificed" then he shoots himself in the head and vanishes in a light.

I'm thinking about doing this writing course and need to enter a piece for it and wanted to know if i could think of something to write of the top off my head. I think it needs a lot of work but maybe this has some potential

The Buble could easily take down the death star with his crooning style vocals

2010-04-23T04:52:00.000-07:00

I have a plane that carries 13 people and the plane will crash. Nobody dies, it will be like lost. There is no escape from the island and whatever they did before the crash is eradicated from memory. Which 13 people would I put on the plane?
(Side note: if this did actually happen, I would choose evil people so I’m only choosing people who annoy me too much)

1.Phil Collins
He’s an ok drummer. He was in Genesis. Then Peter Gabriel quit so Phil Collins thinks he can sing and goes on to have a huge solo career despite the fact that all he is doing is a very bad Peter Gabriel impression. His songs are like nails on a blackboard. He has a mediocre voice, which is better than…

2.Pink
The girl can’t sing, at all. I’ve watched X Factor auditions that have failed to get through and thought they were better than Pink. That’s bad enough but the woman has won song writing awards. She wrote a song where it was about a man that she’s not going to have sex with because he treated her bad and the song is called ‘ you and your hand.’ She also has an image of a rebel when she is clearly manufactured.

3.Paris Hilton
She became a big celebrity by making a low quality porno. Before she was like an IT girl, very rich father and was seen at any opening of a club. Then came the sex tape and she got a lot of TV work from it. Her celebrity status is encouraging below mediocrity. Surely porn stars, who shoot there films at multiple angles, with multiple angles and has much better lighting and sound deserves to be a celebrity than Paris Hilton.

4.Nick C legg
The Lib Dem guy. He did very well in a debate. So did Tony Blair. Clegg is a classic politician by telling people what they want to hear even though it contradicts himself. He said that he knew an estimate of illegal immigrants in the UK that would be offered amnesty in the country, but now he says it’s impossible to say. He said he would pull troops out of Iraq, now he backs the war. He says that the country needs a truthful politician, yet he exploited the MP expenses more than most. At least with Cameron and Brown they will make a decision and stick with it, Clegg will flip flop on everything he did and it will mess up the country more.

5.Carlos Tevez
Fantastic footballer, but don’t make out yourself to be a massive victim. You left United because you knew you weren’t Sir Alex’s first choice and you knew you could get more money at Man City. You’ve had a great season but don’t make it out that you were badly treated.

6.Chad Kroeger
Before I slag him off, I have to respect a guy who’s band (Nickelback), despite (deservedly) getting rubbish reviews for both albums and performing live are bloody massive! My problem with this guy is that he wants to be James Hetfield. You can’t be James Hetfield, he’s one of the greatest frontmen/rhythm guitarists of all time. You are in a crappy band that have 3 songs that you keep repeating the pattern for. You can’t do a cheesy pop song that Justin Bieber would be embarrassed to sing (Rock Star) and then try and be pretentious wanks tryin to save the world (If Everyone Changed)

7.Claude Makelele
This man is a footballer held in very, very high regard. He played for Real Madrid and Chelsea and also represented France. He was known as a holding midfielder, which means he will stay in front of the defence and act like an extra line of defence. He was very well disciplined in this position. My problem is that he is known as a world class player but he wasn’t. Claudey boy was good at the doing the simple things. I don’t think any player should be recognised as a world class player because he passed the ball 5 yards and stayed in his own half. He annoys me.

8.Matthew Fox
Seth Rogen in Knocked Up said that nobody likes Matthew Fox because there is nothing interesting about him. It’s actually true. Plus he’d have experience of surviving on an island.

9.Anna Paquin
Anna, I like you. You deserved to win an Oscar for the Piano. You were great in Almost Famous and you were Roque in the X-Men trilogy. Huge props. You are a very talented Actress, so why the fuck do you put on a ridiculous accent and show classic US soap opera acting skills for True Blood. It might be a success but so was Charlie’s Angels and it doesn’t make that good either, which brings me on the tenth person on my abandoned Island…

10.McG
You are a director called McG and you want to be taken seriously? You made Charlie’s Angels. That bad enough, then they made Charlie’s Angels 2, which I have only seen the trailers for and looked painful to watch. The other annoying thing about McG is that for Charlie’s Angels 2 he had to get rid of Bill Murray because Lucy Liu was unhappy that he referred to the first film as a paycheque to him so they had a little bitchfest. My problem with this is that nobody can bring to a film what Bill Murray does, yet Lucy Liu can only make direct to DVD films now. He also made a rubbish Terminator film.

11.Steven Speilberg
If I was to write a list of my top 13 favourite directors of all time the man would definitely be on the list. The reason he would be on my list to be left stranded with these other 12 is because he fucked up the Indy franchise. Indiana Jones is a trilogy, possibly the greatest trilogy of all time but he had to make the Crystal Skull. It is very bad, there is no place for aliens in Indiana Jones and now he wants to make a fifth? He needs to be stopped.

12.Jimmy Carr
He just annoys me. He isn’t funny and he’s smug and he is only every fucking programme. Has a fantastic laugh though.

13.Matthew McConaugheyI like McConaughey, He was brilliant in A View To Kill, I love EdTV and he was also good in Tropic Thunder, but you have become the guy who stars in rubbish romcoms. How to Lose a guy in 10 days? Fools Gold? The one about girlfriend’s past? It’s just below you. And you’re always shirtless! Wear more shirts.

Ideas for stories i'd wish i'd written

2010-04-19T04:02:00.000-07:00

While doing an English course, I had to come up with ideas for short stories and some I would use, most would be forgotten until I was lacking ideas for a blog so I thought I’d rehash them. Some of these I used the idea but had to cut them out due to the word count. I’m only including ideas that I actually liked, otherwise this was a waste of time. I’ve amended some things to make the descriptions a little easier because they are out of context.

1.Coming out of the closet.
I had this story of a group of three friends (the three person unit was kind of a consistent thing for me while coming up with stories) and one was easy going (Ned), one was a bit extreme (Glenn) in the way people lived and thought that people couldn’t be too different and the final friend was a closet homosexual (Harold).
Harold had wanted to tell Ned for a couple of years but always chickened out. In the end Ned went round to Ned’s flat and they were chatting and Harold said that he hooked up last night and made a tape of it. Ned really wanted to see the tape and was really pressing Harold for it so Harold put it in and they both watch it. Harold is sitting nervously as Ned watches him and this man start kissing. Ned is still oblivious and thinks it is a threesome and they were both starting. Ned finally realises that Harold is gay. I really wanted to use this part of the story but the rest of it wasn’t strong enough of an idea and this scene didn’t really fit into any of my stories. A real shame.

2 & 3.My MMA story
I had an idea of ripping off Rocky/Wrestler and setting it in the world of Mixed Martial Arts (my twist on the story). It was basically about a guy who was touted as the next big thing when the sport was still small but he never achieved his dream because he wasn’t driven enough and became an alcoholic. Now he’s mid 40’s and has a wife and she unexpectedly becomes pregnant. He decides to start training again as he knows he could make more money and give his child a better life. He has a few fights for small promotions and then he is offered a chance to fight the champ in UFC to sell more pay-per-views as America loves the underdog story. I hadn’t decided if he would win or not. The two scenes I wanted to do was a press conference of the old timer up being humble at first but being trash talked by the champ constantly and then the old timer showing heart and passion and starting to believe he could beat him. The second was in a bar chatting to an ex fighter who was helping him train and doubting why he is doing this, how he should just stick to a normal job rather than take a risky fight. In the conversation he realises he’s not only fighting to help his family but to prove to himself that he could have made it.
In the end I didn’t use this idea because it was a bit too much of a rip-off of other things and I wanted to try a more original idea.

4.Farmageddon
Farmageddon is an idea I had about the pigs being hated by the cows as the cows think they are becoming the farmers favourite animals. So the Cows join allegiances with the Chickens and Sheep and declare war on the Pigs. I haven’t got the whole story figured out but I really want to finish it. The scene I want to do is a montage of the pigs in training but instead of using a song to really get them going and give them a winning mentality, they use Kelly Clarkson music as some is high tempo but lyrically not inspiring.

5.Conspiracy Theory
Never got off the ground. As all my stories were based around my interests I wanted to try a story like The Firm, where everybody is involved. I just couldn’t think of the story, only that it was based around the Fire Department and that fires were purposely being set so they could put them out. It probably wouldn’t have worked hence why I never wrote it.

6 & 7.Teenage love story
I love teen flicks, from Breakfast Club to Heathers and Superbad. I wanted to write one about a popular kid who is having an identity crisis and notices a girl who has change her image (from goth to kooky) and falls for her. It is very cheesy but I like the idea. The first scene I started was based on the boy leaving Ice Hockey practice and driving home in the rain. He notices the girl and hesitates to pick her up because she has rejected his advances already. He pulls over and convinces her to get in the car. It’s a frosty environment and then she slags off his bad taste in music and gives him a couple of cds to listen too. This is the point where they start to fall for each other. I admit cheesy but it was what I wanted to write.
The second scene was a chat between the guy and a friend who is a proper geek and they argue about Juno. The geek believes that girls like her exist and the guy is saying they don’t. The basis for this scene was reading how movie reviews say how realistic indie films are and they never are. It’s me ranting about it. I like to rant.

8.Tooth Fairy
There is a film out soon could tooth fairy. No idea what the story is but I doubt it is the same as mine. I like the idea of telling a well-known story told many times before and just changing it completely. My tooth fairy story was about him not being recognised as highly as the Easter Bunny and Father Christmas. He really loses it though when he hears a news story saying that Cupid was now considered more important. This gives him a breakdown and decides to punish people. Realising that screwing over kids wasn’t helping him he decides that he will kill the easter bunny, Cupid and Father Christmas. I never wrote it as it seemed too dark (and slightly twisted) but after writing this I wish I did. This however is slightly similar to the next idea.

9.Nelson Mandela
We all know the story. Wrongfully imprisoned and he’s a real inspiration. But what if he took his time in prison to instead of fighting the good fight, he went crazy, but pretended to be good, become president and then went all Mugabe on the country. I didn’t pursue this idea because I thought I would be frowned upon by the rest of my class, but why tell the same story again and again when you could have the biggest twist?

10 & 11.Tuesday’s Gone
The two best stories I finished was this and a vigilante graphic novel type (more on that later). Tuesday’s Gone was based on the Lynyrd Skynyrd song about a person going on tour and it destroys his relationship. Due to a word count restriction, I had to remove some stuff I liked. One was about the singer cheating on his girlfriend. I was doing this scene to show that he was upset with himself at how easy it was for him to forget about his girlfriend and the disgust look in his face at how his dream has changed him. The second scene was after they had broken up, they bump into each other and chat to each other and start on the road to becoming friends. I wanted to include this as closure but I think the ending I used in the story (he sings the song to symbolise the break up of the relationship) was better for it.

12 & 13.Paladin
Paladin was a masked vigilante who gave it up to start a family. With wife passed away and daughter in another country he decides to don his again as a pensioner. I love the idea of it and as I was making it out as a graphic novel I could throw realism out of the window. I was really happy with this story and I had to cut a lot of ideas. I cut out a big part of his back story and those are the scenes I think the story lack. I wanted to put the birth of Paladin in the story but it was easier to lose and keep the plot rolling. He started to revenge a friend’s assault. The police did nothing so he put on a mask to hide his identity and beat up the person who assaulted his friend. With blood on his hands he felt no remorse because he knew it was for the right reasons.
The other scene I wanted to include was a council meeting with the public after Paladin’s first few jobs back. They are discussing if he is a criminal or hero. This was to show the way people see him in the community.

Mission Statement 2. Electric boogaloo

2010-04-16T03:34:00.000-07:00

I failed my blog a day for a week. It was probably too big an ask considering I lack the creativity and drive to keep to something like this. I’m not that guy. I am a guy though that if I was in a pole vault competition and I failed a jump at the same height twice, would go for a much higher jump on the third attempt even though I couldn’t succeed at the lower level.

For the next 13 days, there will be 13 blogs that will consist of a top 13 list of some of my favourite things, in 13 different colour fonts. I have 5 ideas already thought up and hopefully will be inspired for more ideas soon. I’ve chosen 13 because it is unlucky for some but I think it’s going to be lucky for me in the quest of blogging. I also went with lists because I thought I’d be able to get closer to my goal by doing lists.

The first blog will be appearing today and hopefully the 13th will be posted on the 28th April. I’m (slightly) confident I can achieve this, but I will try and that’s all you can do, is try.

How the blog was won

2010-04-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

“You know that feeling you get when somebody embarrasses themselves so badly YOU feel uncomfortable? Heard Chris Cornell’s record? Jesus,” Trent Reznor on Twitter, 11th March 2009

I started to write a blog inspired by this quote when it was first posted but being me I was too lazy to finish it until a year later.

I love Chris Cornell. In my opinion he is without doubt the greatest singer of all time and I would regularly tell people that I thought he could sing any genre of music and it would be amazing. Well he released an album last year called Scream and it was produced by the talentless fool Timbaland and it sounded like a Justin Timbalake LP. There were good moments on it, but it had no instruments and although the voice is still there, you’re distracted by the shitty computer-generated noise going on at the same time.

I want to like Scream because of who made the album. This is the man who gave the world Bad Motor Finger, Superunknown and Down on the Upside when he was the frontman for Soundgarden. He then made one of my all time top ten albums ever with Temple of the Dog, a tribute album to his friend Andrew Wood who died of a drug overdose. The album is vocally Cornell’s finest hour. He then made a very underrated solo album, Euphoria Morning that proved that he wasn’t just a generic rock singer, like anybody ever thought that anyway. Then he went on to form Rage Against The Garden (it’s Audioslave but I feel they missed a trick by not calling themselves Rage Against The Garden) and released 3 great albums, their debut being one of the albums I have listened to most in the past decade.

In support of their second album, Out of Exile, Rage Against The Garden played Brixton Academy and I got tickets to see Chris Cornell live. I love Tom Morello too and I was happy to see him play too, but for me it was all about Cornell. There had been a lot of hit and miss reviews about his vocals live but on this night he was on fire. I saw him play a solo set while supporting Aerosmith at Hyde Park and he stole the show on a very rainy summer’s day. To put that day in perspective he outshined the ultimate Rock & Roll frontman, Steven Tyler. That’s impressive even for my favourite singer of all time.

A year ago he released Scream to bad reviews. In the blog I was hoping that this low point in his career would bear fruit to the rumours of a Soundgarden reunion. 2010 started off with the amazing news from the man himself on twitter “The 12 year break is over & school is back in session. Sign up now. Knights of the Soundtable ride again!”

This is not the only reason to be excited about Chris Cornell. He is one of the friends on Slash’s solo album and his song Promise is fucking amazing. The good times are back with the greatest fucking singer on the planet back doing what he does best!

guilty pleasures

2010-02-21T08:50:00.000-08:00

When i was younger (say 14-15) i'd only really admit to liking songs with either a guitar or drum solo. since i hit my twenties though, i've had no problem with admitting everything i like. Why does it matter what i like. Recently i have been mocked by people i work with, friends, my girlfriend and my folk-loving mother. I don't feel ashamed by these so i'm listing my guilty pleasures in this blog.

Taylor Swift
I'm putting her first and proud of it. She might be 17 years old and very much aimed at the teen audience but when i heard Love Story, that was just a great tune. The bridge at the end of the song is fucking epic epic and her album Fearless is just great pop song after great pop song. I'm glad she won the grammy over that phoney Lady Gaga. Swift can actually sing.

Lady Gaga
I stick with my last sentence, but this woman can pen a fucking chorus. Poker Face, Love Game and Just Dance are dreadful songs but you'll be humming the chorus all day. She's not a great singer, but she doesn't have to be for what she does and she has some great tunes (Speechless. Alejandro, Bad Romance and Paparazzi.

Cheryl Cole (soon to be Tweedy again)
Ok, this is a bit of a stretch. Weren't a big fan of Fight For This Love, it's just a girls aloud song really, but 3 words is a great song. It's reminiscent of 80's electro pop but it sounds fresh and you got a give her credit for that. It doesn't get much more pop than her.

Rihanna
I hated Umbrella in 2007. It did nothing for me. I heard it in 2009 and it's actually pretty good and Ms Fenty has one hell of a voice on her. Her album Rated R is fantastic, not as poppy as her older stuff but i think she has one of the best voices around.

Michael Buble
The Buble. I don't think there is much more to say. He's a legend and i shouldn't even mention him as a guilty pleasure but my moo-ma mocks me for liking him. Listen to his version of Feeling Good and be won over. It's fantastic.

I also think i shouldn't be embarrassed of the above when people in the world listen to Pink (she can't fucking sing, she is tone deaf yet one of the biggest artists), Beyonce (I very mediocre voice, she had the worse out of Destiny Child but somehow made it...oh yeah it was her looks) Nickelback (enough said) Coldplay (boring all the way, i love lost though, that's a real guilty pleasure) and Phil Collins!

My next blog will be more positive

Milking the cow until she's dried up

2010-02-20T16:17:00.000-08:00

I am behind in my goal of a blog a day for a week. I am determined to have written seven blogs by the end of this week and not even my severe case of man flu will stop me.

Apparently 2011 will see the release of Ghostbusters 3. Usually i'm skeptical when a sequel is made because they will usually lack the quality of the original, but it's Ghostbusters, one of the funniest movies ever made, and the second is underrated in my opinion. Most of me is excited for the reforming of the band, but there is a little doubt. Doubt because sequels can sometimes be fucking awful, no matter how you look at it.

Sometimes another sequel won't tarnish the legacy. Die Hard 4 is a very good film and felt like a good end to the franchise (I'm sure there will be a fifth at some point, with John McClane trying to find his missing teeth in the retirement home) It introduced a new terror threat, it had a younger cast to make the film seem new and you had Bruce Willis doing what he does best. I also think that the sixth Rocky was the perfect send off to the ultimate underdog

Sometimes another sequel after a few years break can be so bad you feel violated watching it. I'm talking about Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Dr. Jones, one of the greatest and coolest characters ever and his legacy of three good films is tarnished by the recent pile of shit. I know the Indy franchise is meant to be fun and not taken seriously, but what the fuck were those gophers about? it made no sense (i don't hate gophers, i love the dancing gopher in Caddyshack. While mentioning Caddyshack, the sequel to that was a very bad idea). And then Indy is in a nuclear explosion but survives hiding in a fridge. Then the film tells you that aliens exists? And it has Shia Leboeuf in it? Doesn't Hollywood know that he is a very annoying person and lacks acting ability?

I think the point i'm trying to make is unless you have a story to tell, then leave the great legacy of the previous films alone, because as much as you love a film, it can be ruined by sequels. People don't talk about how great the first Pirates film is because people only think of them as a trilogy.

With people seeming to want to make films for a built in audience, there are some sequels being spoken about. There is a fourth Pirates (could work), a fourth Beverley Hills Cop (the third was rubbish, and Eddie Murphy seems to hast lost his comedic groove) a fifth Lethal Weapon (Murtagh really is too old for this shit now and Riggs actually went crazy in real life).

Sequels can be good (Clerks 2, Toy Story 2, Bourne trilogy) but you need to know when to let go otherwise the films you love will turn into a big joke, like Police Academy. This rant might not make sense because it's almost one in the morning.

Bitching is fun

2010-02-18T00:47:00.000-08:00

The Oscars. Recognising the best in film over the past 12 months. I’m actually a fan of this award ceremony, I’m not sure why because I think awards ceremonies are generally a joke but I have an interest in this. As I’m a bit negative, I will be looking at the catastrophes of people being overlooked over the years. I will try to show as little bias as possible. I will be ignoring some omissions, such as Scorcese, Pacino and Winslet having only one Oscar because they got one eventually. Here it goes:

Best Actor –Tom Cruise (Jerry Maguire)
Not everybody is a fan of the guy and a lot of people don’t know how he became one of the biggest actors on the planet. I think the guy is brilliant and I love most of his work. In Jerry Maguire though, he was at the top of his game. His performance had every emotion possible and you wanted him to succeed the whole time. The Oscar should have been his, instead it went to an over the top performance from Geoffrey Rush. He might get a sympathy Oscar (like Pacino) one day, but he was robbed when he was at his peak.

Best Actor – Jeff Bridges (The Big Lebowski)
The Oscar committee hate comedies. The Dude was not just comic genius, he was a fantastic character wonderfully played. I think roles like this, where somebody plays a role just completely out there and they deliver. They will never be rewarded. The Dude deserved this award (also Brad Pitt deserved a nomination for Snatch)

Best Actor – Johnny Depp (The Libertine)
I love Depp, I’ll admit I am biased, but he’s been nominated three times and it wasn’t for his portrayal of the Earl of Rochester. Now the Libertine isn’t an Oscar worthy film, however Depp is rarely off screen (I’d say 5 minutes max) and yet the whole time he keeps you interested. You hate him, you love him, you want him to suffer, and then you feel sympathy. Not many actors could carry this film, but he did and did it to the highest standard.

Best Film – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
I can almost guarantee that anybody making a top ten list of the best films of the last decade, this film will appear more times than Million Dollar Baby, Ray, Sideways, Finding Neverland and Aviator. The film about trying to forget the greatest heartbreak turned into a film about remembering the things about love and that maybe if it’s meant to be then you’ll always find the one for you. The film was original and funny and has heart. I understand how it didn’t win but to not be nominated a fucking robbery!

Best Song – Bruce Springsteen (The Wrestler)
The Golden Globes gave the Boss the award, yet the Oscars tell him he isn’t good enough to on the shortlist. Springsteen writes songs that have a story and he’s the best at it, that’s why he can still sell out any venue in the world with ease. He wrote a song about being told told that your life is over and it’s time to accept it, but knowing you can’t give up and want to offer something. The man wrote one of the best songs of 2008, yet he loses to some rubbish dance/hip hop tune? It’s disrespectful.

Best Director – Tim Burton (Big Fish)
It’s not my favourite Burton film but it’s his best looking. It’s a beautiful looking film, I’m not sure there is much more to add really. He deserved a nomination at the least.

Best Actress – Uma Thurman (Kill Bill)
The woman who most the time plays the generic love interest in mediocre chick flicks turns her self into a fighting machine looking for vengeance over the people who betrayed her and she’s ignored for a massive transformation. Her performance wasn’t just about fantastic fight scenes, Thurman brings heart to it, and unfortunately most women have to make themselves look ugly/plain to get the statue.

Best Film – Wall-e
Fuck it, I think if you are giving the Oscar to a nice love story then why not give it to a great one (oh yeah it’s animate) Pixar don’t make kids films, they make stories for all and this it their finest hour. I know I’ve written about a cute little robot more than any normal 25 year old ever should but the film is breathtaking and people are insane if they think Slumdog deserved the award more than a film that keeps people interested even though there is hardly any words spoken in the first hour. I’ll never let it go.

I know there are many more I could add (Ron Perlman for Hellboy, Adam Sandler for Funny People, Dogma for best screenplay) but you need to know to stop and I think this is the point.

Jumping on the teeny bopper bandwagon

2010-02-16T07:15:00.000-08:00

In July of last year, somebody at work recommended I should read Twilight. I was hesitant but then she (of course it’s a she, what sort of self-respecting- guy would read twilight? … oh wait) said she would lend me the book and I agreed to read it. I thought she would never bring the book in to lend me, but she did and I felt like I had to read it. So I took it with me on a week holiday to Ilfracombe and I actually enjoyed it. Then I read the bought the next three books, then I bought the film, then I watched New Moon at the cinema and now I’m looking forward to the summer so I can see the third instalment, Eclipse. Admittedly there are some stereotypes to the normal twilight fan and a 25 year old male is not in that list. However I think people are wrong to dismiss it straight away. Yes it can be cringey, some of the dialogue is awful and there is nothing groundbreaking about it, but it can still be entertaining.

If you complain about the cringey love story moments, then you are saying that you have never enjoyed any book, film or television show aimed at women. When a love story is being portrayed it has to have a sickly feeling, because that’s a part of love, deal with it. If it is the bad dialogue then don’t forget Lord of the Rings and Star Wars has worse dialogue than Twilight, but people can get past that. If you think the story is unoriginal then it’s a bit much because Stephanie Meyer was clearly not trying to write Sense and Sensibility. The book is a teenage love story written by a religious lady (I’ll admit, halfway through Eclipse the sexual hints get annoying and you just want Edward and Bella to just fuck, but they have to wait until marriage). Twilight is good, Half Moon is ok, Eclipse is the money shot and Breaking Dawn is great, just a little long but a brilliant, happy ending (if you hate a happy ending then you have issues).

The films are popcorn and they will never set the world alight with cinematic achievements, but they have a very strong cast (Dakota Fanning, Michael Sheen) and I think New Moon is better than Twilight. Eclipse is next and has a fantastic director and is my favourite of the four books. In fact I think it’s one of my most anticipated films of 2010 (that might be a blog)
To summarise, I like the love story of a moody teenager and the sparkly vampire adonis. It might be aimed at 13 year old girls but I still enjoy it. I also like Taylor Swift too and I’m ok with that too!

A mission statement

2010-02-15T08:46:00.000-08:00

For the next seven days, I will write a blog. I usually average a blog every four months but I will write something every day. Whatever I write will be over 250 words, it will involve popular culture and it will not include any useful information.

I’m not sure why I am doing this but it seemed like a good idea at work and on Monday, I am fully committed this today and hopefully still will be on Sunday. Let the blogging begin…

(this is not the first blog, merely a statement to reveal the plan)

Post-its and folders everywhere!

2009-06-20T04:18:00.000-07:00

I’ve recently been trying to mentally work out my all time 10 favourite films. I start to think it would be hard but not as difficult as I’m making it. I was watching a little bit of High Fidelity and they were doing the top five lists and then that got me inspired on this subject.

The first thing I did was write down some films just at the top of my head and they were This is Spinal Tap, Jerry Maguire, Rocky, Wall-e, Raging Bull and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid and then I started to think what other films I would include. Then I really started to think about other films. I first looked at the films I’ve seen the most and it was Caddyshack, Anchorman, Old School, Ghostbusters, Knocked Up and Clerks. Comedies are my go-to film if I need something to watch because they are easy on the brain, they are usually no longer than 2 hours and I don’t mind if I don’t watch the whole thing. So maybe these films should go on the list, but then I thought about it even more.

I love Knocked Up but I prefer Once Upon a Time in America, a film I have only seen twice and don’t watch as often because it’s 3 hours and 50 minutes long so you have to find the time for it. So does that mean I should put this on my list? But if I liked it that much then wouldn’t I find time to watch it more? So then I tried to make rules and that just doesn’t work because how can you say only one comedy when I know I probably like two comedies more than my favourite superhero film. Then I started to think about my favourite superheroes film and that I know I have to choose one to go on my list, but which one is my favourite? Spider-Man 2? Hellboy 2? Sin City? It all became very confusing at this point.

Then I looked at the ones I said of the top of my head and started questioning those choices. I can’t pick the Rocky films apart because I love the whole story, so do I have to disqualify them because I can’t separate the films? Wall-e has only been out for a year, maybe it’s just the freshness of it that’s putting in there. Monsters Inc. was my favourite animation before that cute little robot came along (I really am obsessed with that robot), so maybe in a couple of years time I will realise it that Sulley & co. were better.

I’ve chosen Butch Cassidy but there are films with better Paul Newman performances, so shouldn’t they be on my list instead? Then a new problem has risen, wouldn’t the films with my favourite performances from an actor be the one that’s my favourite film? So I looked at my favourite performances but I wouldn’t say The Libertine was one of my tope ten films even though I think it is quite possibly Johnny Depp’s greatest performance.

More thoughts took over at this point (Directors, Scripts, Childhood memories), it was all too much to take so I thought about how this list might be impossible, but I’m not going to give up because I’ve spent way too much time thinking about it. I did realise one thing though, High Fidelity would not make my top ten.

Death Magnetic Party: Electric Boogaloo

2009-03-06T05:50:00.000-08:00

The fact i'm writing a blog can only mean one of two things.

1.) Pixar have announced a sequel for Wall-e

2.) I have seen Metallica live again.

Thankfully Pixar won't whore themselves to make a sequel to Wall-e (i'd still watch it though) and on Monday i went back to the 02 to see Metallica live for the fifth time and must say it was quite a good show.

Lets look at the facts: Metallica have made my favourite albums, my favourite songs, they are my favourite band to see live and i don't think any band comes close to comparing to them. With this all said, for a band where i expect something amazing everytime i see them live (something they seem to do with ease), after almost every song, i'd turn to me brother and just be shocked at at how how fucking awesome they sound. For a band to still perform at a level where you are in awe for the whole set shows that Metallica fucking rule.

The only negative point is that for a second time, i missed out on a Metallica beach ball! I don't know what i'd do with it, my girlfriend would probably kill me if i brought it home but i know, in my head, i'll be a little bit cooler because i could tell people that i have a metallica beach ball!

Celebratory 16th blog spectacular

2008-12-30T18:14:00.000-08:00

As always, laziness gets the better of me and i now write a blog ages since the last one. As i just wanted to write a blog and it's the final day of 2008, i decided to give a review of the year from my perspective (my perspective means leave out all the important stuff and write about popular culture).

Football

My beloved reds finished in May with both the premier league and the champions league. It was a wonderful time in the world of football. September saw the beginning of a new season with lots of shocks (Hull flying high?, Liverpool top at Christmas??) and my boys aren't firing on all cylinders (ronaldo not destroying teams, berbatov only scoring 3 goals in the league). In spite of this, we are third and have two games in hand so title number seventeen should be on the way.

Films

With a film that could be titled 'My own personal hell'(Abba songs and actors who can't hold a note between them) becoming the biggest grossing film in UK cinema history, you'd think it had been a year of bad films but there have been a few good ones this year. My favourite film of the year was Wall-e. I know i have gone about it a lot in previous blogs but it truly is a masterpiece and i can't recommend it enough. I got the DVD for christmas and every time there are two scenes that almost make me cry and i don't care how girlie that makes me sound because i love this fucking film and i think i would put it in my top ten favourite films of all time (that could be an idea for a blog). Also, i got the Wall-e game for my wii as well and that is very difficult game. It says you have to be at least three years old, but they forget to mention on the box that you also have to be a scientific genius! A film i also loved but didn't seem to get much love was zack and miri make a porno. It was very rude and very sweet, which is what Kevin Smith's best work is. I think Seth Rogen might need to be added to my list of possible heterosexual man crushes (a previous blog) and Elizabeth Banks is one of the funniest women on the planet. Sadly there has only been one Johnny Depp film this year (the brilliant Sweeney Todd) and one Bill Murray (The pretty rubbish City of Ember) so hopefully 2009 will bring brilliant stuff from them both.

A sad note, an actual legend passed away this year. Paul Newman died and i can't think of a better actor, which reminds me of a conversation with sophie and her sister. It was a week after his death and sky movies were showing Cool Hand Luke. I wanted to watch it but then got asked what was one. On channel five they were showing Hitch. I was outvoted and made to watch a film that wasn't even Will Smith's finest and miss one of the greatest performances in film history. These are the people i live with.

Music

Two of my favourite bands released new material this year and both were amazing. Whereas last time Weezer's Make Believe was better than Metallica's St. Anger (an album which i like), this time the almight Metallica came back this year with Death Magnetic and it is a work of art. Each song has melody as well as lots of riff changes and the best bass sound since Puppets. Hetfield's voice sounds amazing and i can't pick a favourite song from it. Weezer's red album was classic weez all the way, with Rivers Cuomo's lyrics never better and he grew an awesome moustache to boot. Other great albums came from Slipknot (get better with every album) Take That (Can't believe i put them in the same sentence as Slipknot), Jack's Mannequin (brilliant songwriting) Kanye West (The man is possibly Prince for the 21st century, just taller, not as crazy and doesn't play guitar)

Things that i thought would be shit but were actually very good

Theses days, unless a programme has a link to someone i like, i don't tend to give it a go as i like to live my life by sticking with the actors i know. So when the hype machine for Gavin and Stacey started, i didn't care. At around April of this year, i brought the first series on DVD for boo boo for two reasons 1. she wanted to see it and 2. it was in a sale. I didn't have high hopes but i was surprised to hear myself laughing out loud! Every character is funny and you want them to do well. The second series was even better than the first and the christmas special was classic christmas telly of a good hearted story. I think Bryn is comedy gold and almost steals every scene he is in. Looking forward to more specials and possibly a third series.

The most shocking thing that possibly happened to me was that boremongers Coldplay recorded a song that i liked. After the same old rubbish of Violet Hill and whatever the album is called, i heard Lost and was shocked that it sounded good. I've heard another song since and that was shit so i'm putting lost down as a fluke. Another good song was Leona Lewis version of boremongers Snow Patrol's Run. It starts off slow but builds up into a divaesque song. and it would be difficult to be worse than Snow Patrol. I'm still undecided if i like Beyonce's if i were a boy, but it was brilliant on the X Factor.

Shit music.

Speaking of X Factor, Alexandra has ruined an amazing song and for that i hope any of other songs do terribly. Another person who ruined a classic song was Kid Rock and i give evil looks to people who brought it or stole it by downloading! The Kaiser Chiefs came back and were rubbish, Nickelback are still rubbish and Katy Perry proved to be the fakest person in pop since Pink. It's good to get that off my chest

Life

Moving away from popular culture, i moved out of home, i have mould in my room, had a blocked toilet, went to 2 weddings, no funerals(gotta be a good thing), became a systems analyst, heard great stories from my dad and grew an awesome 19 day beard (which was saved today by trying to turn beard into handlebars.). I'm still with Sophie and all is going well (although she stabbed me for a third time and slapped me really hard recently). I don't think i could be much happier with how things are.

Final thought

Recently, Boo Boo asked me what i would write on an online dating profile, i was tired and said "i enjoy buying magazines and reading magazines" So i thought i would end by saying my favourite magazine to buy and read this year was Empire, consistantly brilliant and gave Wall-e a deserving 5 star review.

The Death Magnetic party

2008-09-17T01:24:00.000-07:00

Around a year ago i wrote a blog about seeing Prince at the O2 and how great i think the man is. On Monday i went to the O2 and i saw a band that was bigger, louder and better than the genius who gave the world the Batman soundtrack (i'll never see this as a bad album). I went to see Metallica.

I don't think i've mentioned my love of Metallica, so i will quickly go over it as it will put more words on the screen. When i was about 12/13, i was going through music channels and a song was just ending (it may have been Marilyn Manson, old school of course, not his "heart shaped glasses" tripe), then this riff got my attention.

I was listening to Enter Sandman, and it was brilliant. I immediately stole my brother's Metallica albums (most of which i still have) and little knowing that this one song was just the beginning. Even though post '91 people say Metallica lost their edge, i still enjoyed those albums. If i was asked to choose my top ten albums of all time, i'd say half of those would be Metallica albums. As for live, no band as even come close to how good they are.

For the first time in five years, i was able to let my obsession go into overdrive as Metallica were releasing a new album, Death Magnetic. I remember for their previous album, St. Anger (which i think is a good album, despite popular opinion) i was at college, and was late so i could get the album and had to fill out a form and in the box that says 'reason for being late' i worte "was buying the new Metallica album." This says i'm either a dedicated fan or sad. I like to think i'm a little of both.

This time round, i decided to get the limited edition coffin box, which was a bargain because it a lot of extras that i'll never use but glad i own (Metallica pass thingy, 4 very weak looking guitar picks). The album itself is a masterpiece. It is epic and i've already listened to the album more times than i remember. The lyrics are also very awesome. As soon as the first listen i knew these songs would tear the place down live.

Which makes the point of this blog. Metallica were yet again, absolutely amazing. At £5 a ticket, it was the bargain of the century. The best thing i like about seeing Metallica is every time i get five or six songs i've never heard them play before and i'm in awe of how good they always are. In the finale of Seek and Destroy, they dropped black Metallica beach balls from the sky. Nothing says Metal like a black beach ball with the Metallica logo on it.

Afterwards, i was speaking to some random guy outside the men's toilets about how great the songs choices were. I agreed and it was a fantastic night, but just like the first time i went to the O2, i was a little letdown because i saw a black Metallica beach ball and i wanted one.

Some people are never happy.

Sir Alan Sugar: Possibly the greatest jew since Jesus

2008-07-29T08:54:00.001-07:00

I feel i now have some things to write about since my last blog in april and instead of doing individual blogs i thought i'd put them all together in one easy blog with headings.

Football

My beloved reds finished the season successfully by not only retaining the premier league title but also winning the champions league. The final was an extremely stressful game to watch but after 2 hours of football and penalties i saw two great visions... Sir Bobby Charlton and Sir Alex Ferguson lifting the trophy and John Terry crying like a baby because he lost his footing.

Home

Three months ago i left the nest and moved in with so and her sister ro (moving in with them two made me realise i'm a bit of a mentalist!) Things are going well. I'm now having to restrain myself from buying cds and dvds because i have to make sure i can pay my share of the tesco big shop. I also need to budget for...

Clyde

We now have an adorable little kitten named Clyde. He's so great although he has already cost triple figures in his short life for his love of rolling around in his used cat litter. I love that little guy despite of this.

Films

Since my last blog i have been to the cinema four times. All these films are pretty special. Hellboy 2 ups the ante of the first one with bigger action, bigger effects and bigger laughs. There has to be a third but it will be a long way down the road as Mr Del Toro has to make some Hobbit films first. Unfortunately this film seems to have been buried by the behemouth that is The Dark Knight.

The Dark Knight is an epic story with a number of Tour de Force perfomances. I went into the film not expecting what i got as i found Batman Begins a little dull, but this film delivers. Everything said about Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker is deserved, but you there's also Aaron Eckhart who is the centre of the story, Christian Bale plays both batman and Bruce Wayne the way he should be. The supporting cast of Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman and Gary Oldman make the film even stronger, because there are a lot of flaws. Maggie Gyllenhall brings nothing to the dance and they really rushed the Two-Face storyline. I'm also interested in the third film to see what direction they go.

Despite the Dark Knight being the prom queen of the summer, there was one film that was a complete masterpiece from beginning to end, and was also based around one hero...

I had high hopes for this film, heights i thought that cute little robot couldn't reach... but this film was better than i could have ever imagined. Wall-e is essentially just a love story but it's told in such a way that it makes you laugh and think. It's the best animated film ever made and it deserves to be nominated for the best film category at the oscars. I love this fucking film. I'd say it is probably in my all time top ten films of all time!

I know there is more to say but that can wait for another day. A side note during the period this blog should have been posted is Weezer released another classic album.

p.s Despite what boo boo says (search google, you can find prison reports on this), spooning is not only an intimate moment shared by a couple, it's also a prison term when a gang leader sticks a spoon up his bitch's (fellow male inmate the leader fucks but doesn't make him gay) arse to get it ready for some buggering! (I thought it was best to not try to find an image of this and leave it to your imagination.

Abort mission

2008-04-10T15:13:00.000-07:00

I am currently sitting at my desk, during my lunch break just counting the minutes until it's time for the weekend. I'm not sure why i am writing a blog at this point but ho-hum.

While talking to my friend at the start of the week i realised she has her life planned out. She has done so since she was 9 years old. This got me thinking about how i have no goals when it comes to a career and i never really have. At this moment all i want is a better paid job and to do an open university course. While talking to Kell's bells (the above-mentioned friend) i was thinking that maybe i'm slacking in deciding what i should do as a job and maybe i've left it too late.

Then i realised...

Until has was 30 years old, Jesus had done fuck all...then he started teaching lessons to the world for 3 years before being crucified.

I've recently turned 23, so i have 7 years to really find a path and i don't think i will only have 3 years to make an impact.

So now i can go back to saying rubbish and being a lazy bitch.

Crisis over!

My Bloggy Wlog

2008-03-22T10:37:00.000-07:00

Yet again it has taken me ages to write another blog, this is not just down to laziness to write a blog though, it's also down to the fact that i've been too lazy to do anything. So i've now let enough time past to build up a few pointless topics to write about so here goes...

The month of March started with a trip to the British Museum. As good as it was, Sophie and me were unable to visit the Terracota army exhibit as it was sold out.

The party really got started later that night when we would settle down for the rest of the night doing sophie's youngest sister's media homework. We know how to live it up.

After a month of saying we would, boo boo and i finally went to the pictures and watched Juno. The film was really good, with the stars of the show being Michael Cera and J.K Simmons. We went with sophie's sisters on while leaving the cinema i got treated to a singleton rendition of Heaven. While they were singing, two things ran through my mind.

1.) How can you murder a song that was terrible to begin with?

2.) Would it be worse to jump out of a moving car or continue to have my ears punished in such way?

I decided to stay in the car. Still not sure i made the right choice.

I have now decided that it's time i look for a new job as i have no chance of getting a decent payrise and i'll be stuck in the same role for the next 10 years if i don't move. Until i find a new job, i will still get to hear words of wisdoms like this from a guy named Jitesh.

A conversation about a girl kissing a guy she met the night before.

Jitesh: "Did you kiss him? Did you give him oral? Because that is how it all begins, you start from the top and work your way down."

There are some things i won't miss, such as the person i sit opposite, who is forever sick, shouts all the time, never shuts up and now has hair like wurzel gummage. She currently has 10 days off and i'm getting lots of work done.

I did a Toy Story quiz today and got 28 out of 30. boo boo thought this was sad and was not one bit impressed. I thought i'd done rather well. Coincidentally, i'm watching Toy Story 2 as i right this and it's such a brilliant film i'm gonna wrap this blog up so i can watch the film.

Over the hill and far away...

2008-02-09T08:16:00.000-08:00

On the 1st day of the month, i turned 23 years old.

I'm writing a blog about it a week later because i'm a lazy bitch!

I spent the morning with my family, getting my presents (consisted of albums, DVD's, DS games and money).

My sister got me a card with johnny Depp on it and that made me think maybe people just think i have a man-crush on good old Captain Jack Sparrow. My moo-ma got me a card which had stickers of smiley faces which i like but not sure where to stick them.

after a little family gathering and some chocolate cake, i came to see boo boo. When i walked in her room i saw a pile of presents. She had got me Super Mario bros on the DS, A rad Mario t-shirt with the slogan "Party like it's 1985" Scrubs series 6 (Which i'm enjoying more on DVD) My name is earl series 2 and an awesome Metallica Hoodie (it's extremely warm). I was absolutely chuffed with my presents. Sophie's family (or just her mum) got me some nice blue converse. I now have a shoe epidemic going on but i'm coping well so far.

We then went out shopping where boo boo got herself some stuff. I brought the Sweeney Todd soundtrack and i got a weird look to say 'maybe you might have a bit of a man-crush on Johnny Depp!' In the evening we went to a italian restaurant and i had something with an italian name but was essentially pasta and beef.

When arriving back to sophie's, i was greeted with a present from her sister. It was the novel of Sweeney Todd. This is the second book i have gotten for a birthday from rosie. the first was about dead rock stars, and ths one about murder and cannibalism. I can't think of anything else that says birthday than that!

On the saturday we went to russell square to go to the british museum. As we had presents to buy people, we skipped the culture and went to Oxford Street. I went to HMV and got myself the boss' latest album. While in the queue i saw a book about the making of Sweeney Todd. While trying to decide should i buy it, I was thinking to myself maybe i really do have an obsession with johnny depp. I decide against buying the book.

The only downside to the birthday was my beloved reds lucky draw against Spurs, but even that couldn't ruin my birthday.

On monday i went to work and i had a present on my desk and a card. They had got me a beautiful man utd shirt. This told me i did pretty well in the money collection that they did to buy me the shirt.

It was a fantastic birthday!

2007, 2008 & beyond

2008-01-26T17:40:00.000-08:00

As it's been over 3 months since my last blog, here's a recap of what i can remember

2007

On Halloween, i went to see Black Stone Cherry at the Astoria. On the way there some idiot through an egg at me and missed. I thought this was out of order but was more shocked that he couldn't me from 6 feet away. The show was really good and i think a good time was had by all.

At the start of december my work had a winter event (the name of the work christmas party when someone important at the company doesn't celebrate christmas) I'm not much of a drinker but that night i was knocking the drinks back. I don't remember what i had but it was lots and they all seemed to be different. Boo boo got me home safely (after a brief stop at holborn to throw up) and from the pictures i've seen, a good time has been had by all.

As boo boo and i weren't seeing each other until Christmas evening and we were to impatient to wait, we decided to share our gifts on christmas eve. We first went to cafe rouge and had a fantastic meal. Boo boo got me a fantastic watch, a simpsons movie t-shirt, scrubs series 5 DVD, some perfume, a funky scarf, hand cream and a nail file. I was very happy with my gifts.

I think the final film i saw at the cinema in 2007 was stardust. To cut it short, it was rubbish and the time really dragged in the cinema.

2008

My sister got married to a nice guy named Ali. I thought there could be problems at the reception as my sister decided she didn't want a chocolate cake for her wedding. However, the cake she chose was very nice and despite hearing James Blunt songs about 20 times it was a good day.

Last saturday Boo boo and i decided we should do something with our evening. So as there was a new Johnny Depp film out i knew where i wanted to spend my saturday evening.

While we booked our tickets online, we still had to collect them from the counter as the machine (as always) doesn't work. As the rules of the cinema states that you can push in the line to get your tickets, some man with a comb-over thought he would have a go at us for pushing in line. Sweeney Todd is the first Depp/Burton collaboration i've been unsure about as it is a musical and it's 2 hours long. My fears were put to rest early on as the film was fantastic and sickingly, Johnny Depp was able to sing. It had lots of gore and was pretty gruesome but if you see a film with the words "Demon Barber of Fleet Street" then you should know what to expect.

Once the film ended, we went to an indian restaurant where we bumped into boo boo's family(as we seem to do a lot whenever we go there). We had a very nice meal and did not make as much mess as her family did.

Yesterday i went to see Korn at the brixton academy. Despite only having two original members on stage (one found Jesus, big time...one found playing drums got in the way of his modelling career...one is still in the band but had family problems to deal with) and a backing band, they were pretty fucking awesome. I saw them in 2002 and as good ad they were then i think i preferred them as it's a better venue and the set list was more songs that i liked.

I'm writing this blog at 2 a.m and as boo boo went to bed she said i was like "Carrie Bradshaw, with bigger eyebrows and without the horse face."

How can a robot look so cute?

2007-10-14T14:16:00.000-07:00

Saturday

I woke up at around nine as boo boo kitty had her theory test. We walked to the test centre and boo boo seemed a little anxious but i knew it would be fine because she had done a lot of revising for this. As she was taking the test, i found a place to read my book (my boring ass life) and have a diet coke. The plan altered slightly when i saw a delicious piece of chocolate cake so i hadthat too. 40 minutes later, boo boo called and i met her outside, then she told me she scored 49 out of 50. Sophie didn't feel this was good enough and i feel she would have been more content if she got 5 wrong and not have to think about the one that got away. As boo boo was hungry, we went to this place and ordered some french bread pizza. I was feeling stuffed after a big slice of cake so i didn't manage to eat too much of my french bread pizza.

When i got back to sophie's, we were still pretty tired from waking up so early on a saturday morning so we decided to have a nap. Four hours later, came the time to clean boo boo's room - something i was looking forward too. We got the room clean, then while i made the bed Sophie decided to do her hair for a trip to the cinema. Her youngest sister, lulu came in the room and while i continued to make the bed, her and boo boo had a usual barging contest for sypremacy in front of the mirror.

We then went to the cinema to see the latest pixar masterpiece Ratatouille. It was a fantastic film and was visually stunning. A very funny and heartwarming tale.

On the way back to camp Singleton, there was many discussions going on in the car. These included Hygiene and a few bad words about their father, that i felt were slightly unjustified. As the hygiene discussion got louder, i started to think of being in my happy place and thought next time i should take a cd player or ear plugs.

Me and boo boo then watched Con air on BBC one and fell asleep shortly after the credits rolled.

Living life through another (because i don't wanna miss the sopranos or prison break)

2007-10-08T13:49:00.000-07:00

As i haven't done too much recently and the most exciting thing i can think of to do in this blog is make the text red, i decided i will write about what my friend who i hardly see because we are too useless to arrange something has been up to.

Danny got a girlfriend about 9 months ago and she was different in the sense to his previous girlfriends as she could read something that didn't involve paris hilton in every sentence. As Danny really digs her, he wants to do stuff that she like s to do. Therefore this is the following stuff he has done in the following 5 weeks (could be wrong on the timescale).

Seeing Lord of the rings stage show somewhere in london - Danny and i both saw the first two flicks together, neither of us were that impress but sarah (his girlfriend, i thought her name was something else) likes the films and books so this was right up her street. Danny thought it was ridiculous and doesn't think even being on large amount of drugs would make him like it (he would know). We both have felt the best story from the films has been the clear love story between sam and frodo, and everything else is just a trek somewhere. Anyway i've gone off point, he thought it was rubbish but he surived the whole thing which sounds like more than i can do.

(Stopped writing so i can watch Prison Break)

(Prison Break was awesome)

Seeing Atonement at the cinema - Danny loves shameless but has a problem seeing actors as anybody else after a certain performance, and james mcavoy is that guy from shameless (i'm not a fan so i don't know names.) he said the film was ok which surprised me because he only seems to watch martial arts, japanese or comedies. Atonement is none of those but good he is broadening his horizon.

Ricky Gervais somewhere in london again - This was more a Danny thing as he is a whore for Ricky Gervais stuff, he even liked him on the ricky gervais show. He thinks the office is the greatest sitcom (it's not, even the americans have done that better) he thinks extras is easily top ten (it has one joke in two series) and like his stage shows (they are good, not great). It was of great shock when i heard that my friend danny hated the show - words i never thought i'd hear. Apparently he has turned into Bernard Manning and makes jokes that are racist and makes fun of people with aids. I read a review that said similar stuff (the reviewer thought it was funny) but said that ricky gervais uses a prompter to read his script, which just seems wrong and i thought after 100's of shows you'd have the routine down, but each to their own. Danny is hoping when he sees Bill Bailey that the jokes are funny (i think that's a certainty)

I know he's done something else that was undanny like but i can't remember. i know he enjoyed it. I'm glad he's spreading his wings.

I'm seeing Ratatouille on saturday which i'm looking forward too.

My warmest regards

Princeworld - the funkiest place on earth!

2007-09-22T16:04:00.001-07:00

The purple one, symbol, his royal badness, the artist formerley known as, that funky little short arsed egomaniac...prince.

After years of ignoring doing a tour in the UK Prince did 21 nights in London. I went to the 20th night with boo boo, rosie and fiontan.

Seeing Prince was a big deal to me because i think the man is a fucking genius. Usually i don't like the overly massive egocentric twats but with Prince you get entertainment from it. Ever since the Batman soundtrack i've been hooked on his music. All day i hadn't beed feeling well but there was no way i was going to miss this.

When going to see somebody with a huge back catalogue you know songs you want to hear will be left off. When the man himself came on the stage he owned the arena. The show really got started though when the purple one got hold of a guitar. I've always thought that Prince is the most underrated guitarist in history and he is up there with the best. So when he got the guitar everything went up a level.

The other thing about a prince performance that impresses me is the man is dancing and running around on stage non-stop in some big heels. I don't know how the little guy does it. The personal highlights for me were Let's go crazy - the arena really did go crazy, Rasberry beret - one of my favourite songs which i'm ashamed to say i no longer own and i will soon rectify that, and of course, Purple rain - especially by the fact that during the song he said "i really like this part."

The thing with Prince is, like Hendrix could, he can take somebody else's song and make it sound a lot cooler. He made Gnarls Barkley's massive hit Crazy better, he made the beatles Come together sound better (but to me anybody doing a beatles song has a pretty good chance of being better than the dull original) but he took Whole lotta love and even that sounded a lot more groovy than Led Zep.

As the night ended, i look back and as it was an amazing experience, that nothing was played from 3121(a brilliant and overlooked album) didn't matter, the fact that when doves cry was left of the setlist was nothing to me.

But NO Partyman? NO Scandalous? NO Batdance? That's a little harder for me to forget.

(I know writing this blog in purple is very lame and very sad, but i think the fact i have a blog to write about my life proves i'm already both of those things!)

listening to music that sounds like a toy when the batteries are dying

2007-09-19T13:50:00.000-07:00

Saturday
The day consisted off myself and boo boo relaxing after the week at work. As we had booked to go cinema earlier in the evening we decided to go to woolworths and get some pick 'n' mix. Boo boo was sorting out the bags and she was slow and was putting minimal sweets in each bag. The lack of white mice was the criminal part so i had to take over but she wouldn't let get carried away so it was win-win for all.

The evening came along and we went to see superbad with boo boo's sisters rosie (annoying) and lulu (not annoying). The film itself was awesome, it was a teen flick but but wasn't shit (eg like anything starring with lindsay lohan) and michael cera was the star despite not being the one who was given the best lines.

Sunday
Me and sophie aren't quite old at heart on sundays and have a bit of a routine where we go out for food at around midday and buy the observer. As my beloved reds won the previous day it meant i was able to read the sport section.

As the day went on i started to feel sick so i didn't do much except lay around. No compliants about that.

Monday
I still had a temperature but i went to work anyway, It was sophie's first day in a new department but i heard good things about her so that eased my worries for her. I got through the day and had the evening ahead, for which i had plans.

HIM were playing a free gig at a club called the borderline. The only way to get tickets was to be a HIM obsessive (which i'm not despite it looking that way) or knowing a guy (which i don't). I however, did know a guy who knew a guy that knew a guy. In the end i got put on the guest list and got in.
While there i did my regular clothes shopping ( concert t-shirt) and waiting an hour and forty minutes for HIM's set to begin. Once it started it was really cool, it wasn't the best P.A system but the show was intimate and a great set.

On the way home i decided that i couldn't be bothered to wait for my copy of HIM's album to arrive so i went into the nearest Virgin megastores, parted with £10 and got the train home. I feel the best way to tell somebody you got something you shouldn't is in a blog where they can't hit you. Turns out it was a wise investment because it's wednesday and i still haven't received the album in the post yet.

My warmest regards xxx

p.s Tuesday and wednesday i was very busy at work, been given more responsibility and lost some chicken on the way to work.

My heterosexual man-crush

2007-09-10T14:36:00.000-07:00

After a conversation with Danny one day, we were talking about Die Hard 4. I really enjoyed it but he was talking like it was a groundbreaking movie that was on a par with an original. As our geeky conversation continued he explained his love for the film partly on "his heterosexual man crush on bruce willis"

I was left confused but he explained. This got me thinking who my heterosexual man crush could be. Danny told me that footballers did not count otherwise he would have about 20. He also told me that you had to also genuinely like what a mjority of people thought was rubbish.
He made sense as Danny did find The whole nine yards and the whole ten yards funny. He also thought Hudson hawk was a clever film when it was annoying to the rest of us.

So we then had a conversation about if i had a heterosexual man crush. He said it was hard to find one, but who, of many would it be. So by playing the game by Danny's rules these would be some candidtates (his word, not mine)

Johnny Depp
I don't think this could be mine because despite owning most of his films, having a doll, two posters and paying to see any film he is in, his films are never bad and i think he's too good looking to work and too obvious as a choice.

Ben Affleck
Again, i don't think he can be because i know he's made terrible films (Gigli, pearl harbour, that one with the paltrow) however he has made films i think are great that some people don't (Armageddon, Surviving christmas, Jersey girl) So it's probably not affleck.

Marky Mark
Possibly but doubtful. I really like his films, i can't think of one that i hate(although i wasn't too keen on four brothers) I'm also a bit of a fan of the funky bunch, which i don't think anybody likes. I think it can't be marky mark though due to the fact the guy has proven he can act.

Tom Cruise
At the moment he is underrated. The guy played one of the coolest teenagers in history, joel goodsen (risky business), was the king of the sky as maverick (top gun), played a likable slimey guy (a few good men) Was robbed of an oscar (jerry maguire) was the only good thing in magnolia and made ethan hunt cool (mission impossible). Danny said he can't be my heterosexual man crush though because despite that rant, i do think he is a bit of a twat.

Bill Murray
The funniest guy to ever be on screen. He's funny in anything and much better than Steve Martin at that subtle comedy. Life aquatic is an underrated gem, lost in translation deserved all the accolades and stripes has some of the funniest lines of all time. However, it can't be the murray because not even he can save charlies angels and garfield isn't very good .

We then turned our attention to music but danny said i'm more obsessed with bands so they are automatically disqualified.

So we had two conclusions.

Danny's Conclusion - "When you can say the sentence 'i own a johnny depp doll' i think you know who your hetero sexual man crush is."

My conclusion - Using Danny's logic this list was a lot longer which is quite a worry. Overall, it got me on to my second blog of the day and i think could be slightly amusing due to the fact of how sad i come off in this.

My warmest regards

2007-09-10T14:18:00.000-07:00

After many false starts i thought i should finally get around to writing a new blog. Pictures were going to be attached but i can't be bothered to find my phone lead thingy so i can upload my picture on to the computer so imagination will be needed.

Sunday 9.9.07

I woke up to have boo boo ask me if i wanted to go to the thames festival with her and her two sisters. As i'm not really with it in the mornings i said yes, then thinking this may have not been ny best idea.

We got the train to embankment and wandered along the thames looking for the food that they had for the festival when me and sophie went last year. This is when we got a feeling that maybe we turned up to the thames festival too early. That had been the case.

We went and found some food and ate at giraffe. i can't remember what people had but i do remember lulu (sophie's youngest and least piss-taking sister) had a funky looking drink.

We then wandered around london towards covent garden. We saw a guy jumping over chairs while a michael jackson song (bad) played in the background. Iwasn't very impressed but he had quite a crowd.

I then went to HMV, which isn't a bad thing because they have more stock than the HMVs near me and therefore more chance to find what i want. Ultimately i didn't find what i wanted.

We looked around the market, got some ice cream and headed home.

The evening saw me and boo boo buy the observer where i read the fantastic news that cadbury would be releasing a new batch of wispas due to public demand. I was happy to hear as i enjoyed wispas back in the day and feel they are much missed in shops nationwide.

The evening saw me and boo boo watch running with scissors, which was cool.

That was my sunday

Funny How?

2007-08-15T14:25:00.000-07:00

On the weekend i went to see hairspray-it was better than the original film but overall it was still pretty rubbish. I think something where they constantly break into song isn't really for me. Boo boo and her sister enjoyed it so that's cool.

Ten Days before this, Boo boo and i went to see the the latest Die hard. It was really cool, a shame it was made to attract a wider audience because it meant the film couldn't be as gritty but still a great film. I think they should leave the franchise alone now but i can see the fifth happening in a few years time... set in a retirement home.

I think the next film we will be seeing is the bourne ultimatum, and if the trailer is anything to go by it will be the best action flick of the year.

That's all i have for now, not very interesting, not very entertaining but formative about my past and future cinema viewings.

My warmest rgards

Where's the rum?

2007-07-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

I just found this poster. I'm really looking forward to this film.

My warmest regards xxx

I've been car sick in your office

2007-07-27T13:04:00.000-07:00

Yet another attempt at being a blogging whore. I failed miserably on Myspace and i've never really gotten started on facebook, so i'm thinking third time the charm.

Apparently i'm always confused.

Me and Boo boo kitty have talked about going to the cinema a lot since we have been together but never really followed our plans through. Before we became an item, during our courting period, we saw many films in the space of 7 weeks. these were The Lakehouse, Pirates of the caribbean: dead man's mans chest, Cars, The Break up, Miami Vice and Thank you for smoking.

Now wee are approaching our first year together, we have seen the following films since being together: The Last Kiss, Rocky Balboa, Spider-Man 3, Pirates of the Caribbean: At world's end, Borat and Blades of Glory.

Bizarrely though we saw 2 films in four days over the past week. Those being Transformers and The Simpsons movie. Boo boo really didn't want to see transformers because she thinks the awesome concept is stupid. I was surprised when Optimus Prime was doing a little wrap up at the end she thought it was ridiculous because that was, i think a great way to end a fun movie that needed more robots in disguise and less of the human element.

The Simpsons movie was all i could hope for. Sure i would have liked to of seen more screen time for some characters, but the film was fantastic, up there with the finest Simpsons episodes. While boo boo was sitting next to an annoying person who after 19 seasons of the simpsons, found parts of the film unbelievable, boo boo said something that was shocking to me.

We were talking about the film on the way out, and i was saying how i love Ralph Wiggum, boo boo turned to me and said..."but he's not even real." That doesn't matter missy because Ralph is sweet, adorable, kind hearted and totally rad.

I think i should shut up now, but i'll leave you with a quote

"My cat's breath smells like cat food" Ralph Wiggum